I have never been the type to initiate friendships, although I can usually guess pretty accurately whether I'll end up being friends with someone from the moment we meet. I just wait for the friendship to 'happen' or for them to make the effort. I have very few friends and am somewhat of an introvert. over 2 years ago, I moved to noida for MBA. I considered three girls very close friends and for the first few weeks away, I kept in touch with them pretty much every weekend.
Friend A, whom I've known for about five years, made little or no effort to stay in touch. She took days to return my calls, or only called when she needed advice. I find myself in a 'shrink' position with all my friends, not just her, and this is very draining. They forget I have feelings, needs and problems too. I tell her my problems from time to time and she's 'happy' to hear them, not because she wants to help, I think, but because it makes her feel better about herself.
She's competitive (even though she doesn't admit it) and puts a lot of effort into keeping up appearances and projecting a certain image. When I first met her in college, I walked past her (she was standing with an acquaintance of mine)
She's planning to get married to a guy she admits she doesn't love. She often calls me for advice when the situation gets sticky. As soon as it gets sorted out, I don't hear from her except when she's teasing me about my looks or making jokes about my ambitions. How do I tell her I don't want her asking my opinion about her love life because she never follows my advice? It's happened so many times that I've lost count. In jest, I've told her to quit telling me about her love triangle but I can't keep myself from 'interfering' when I see the path she's headed on. What do I do?
Friend B literally makes me think for her. She asks me even the simplest thing that she could Google and find answers to for herself. Never mind we're on different continents and I'm busy with school while she has recently graduated and isn't working yet.
The common denominator with all these old friends is that they almost always let me down. I hardly ever ask anything of them, whether advice or to help me run errands. This saddens me when I seem to bend over backwards for them. We all joke about my 'shrink' role but now I'm wondering if I should let go of these friendships. Admittedly, if I met my old friends today, I most certainly wouldn't be friends with them, as we have nothing in common anymore and the relationships are too draining.
How do I break off without hurting their feelings or creating resentment? I've since made a few new friends here and have no problems moving on from new friendships before they get too deep. What should I look out for to avoid the same mistakes?
No comments:
Post a Comment